Why is it so hard for couples to stay compatible with each other?
Many years ago, I met an old computer programmer. And he looked miserable. He was lamenting the fact that computer software is always changing and getting updated too quickly. And each and every time this would happen, he would be sentenced back to school to learn the latest computer programming language. Ultimately, he was scared that if he didn’t continue to work hard to stay compatible and up-to-date with the latest changes, he would one day become obsolete and be left behind.
Compatibility is not only important in programming, but it is also essential to maintaining a healthy long-term relationship. Even though two people may start off being compatible with each other when they first start dating, compatibility is not something should be taken for granted.
For it is inevitable that one or both people will begin to change over time. Maybe these changes are triggered by work, having children, or even experiencing different stresses in life. But when these changes happen, that person goes through a “software update” and they will no longer be perfectly compatible with their partner.
In order to reestablish this compatibility, the other partner must put in the hard work to also change and stay up-to-date as well. Therefore the lack of compatibility is not always due to a person “falling out-of-love” or choosing the wrong partner. Rather, the loss of compatibility is a sign that someone in the relationship has changed. And it is time for the other partner to once again put in the extra effort in order to stay up-to-date and compatible with their partners.
In the end, we shouldn’t just look for someone who we are currently compatible with in the moment. Instead, find we should find someone who is continually putting in the effort to stay compatible with us for a lifetime; regardless of how many times we both change.
